I’m gonna drink me some beer on the Metro North

I’m in a crowded and relatively rowdy Metro North car. The doors closed fifteen minutes ago, and during that time I’ve come up with three things about this train ride to be thankful for.

1. Grace and I got seats.
2. This makes the colonoscopy I got a few years ago seem not so bad.
3. This gives me one more incentive to lose weight.

See, there’s this Brazilian dude with a guitar and a woman. Good god, I hope he plays more skillfully with the latter than he does the former. My hearing really, really sucks, but I have exceptional pitch. When tuning’s not good, I hear it. And this guy’s tuning is… excruciating is off the mark. In some ways excruciating would be better. This guy’s strings are just far enough away from being in tune with each other, and he’s just far enough away from being in tune with them, that it draws my attention.

Standing right across from the couple is a jovial fiftysomething dude who’s clearly trying to regain his lost youth. I am not usually so uncharitable. I say this because he’s so painfully obvious in his attempts to impress Out Of Tune Brazilian Guitar Dude’s hottie. His “Hey, it’s a party!” attitude makes me want to treat it as anything but.

So why does this motivate me to lose weight? Well, much as I don’t want to be Fiftysomething Trying Too Hard Dude, neither do I particularly want to be Annoyed With People Who Are Having A Good Time On Train Dude. Beer would help with that. Maybe if I had a growler to share, I wouldn’t mind either dude so much.

So I’m going to get down to my target weight. Then I’ll have the luxury of taking advantage of Metro North’s alcohol policy from time to time. I will almost certainly not be as noisy as either dude, but I might actually join in the fun rather than gritting my teeth.


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