215.5

Getting there! I feel… grudgingly good today. It sounds silly, I know, but as I feel how much good it did me to get up and walk, there’s a part of me that still resents having gotten up rather than lying in bed, rehashing all my anxieties. That part of me is depressed and self-destructive in the wake of returning from a peaceful vacation to this godawful rat race.

Why am I returning? I’ve already not only made the decision to quit, but set in motion my exit. The problem is that I want to do right — not by the dirty rat bastards at Goldman Sachs, but by Keane, my actual employer. This makes it too easy to milk GS for just a few more months while I prepare them for my absence.

Having some extra financial padding will be a good thing. The problem is that I’m a world-class procrastinator. The long goodbye is playing to my weaknesses, making me numb. I’ve got to step out of my comfort zone and go to the very farthest point from it: I need to do the budgeting necessary to figure out what’s next, and then I need to cut the cord and get the hell out of there.

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