Archive for August, 2010

Another walk along the west side

August 31, 2010
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line
From High Line

Once again I came to work prepared for a walk along the west side: I brought my backpack with extra weight for conditioning, plus my walking clothes.

After work I did my usual walk from 200 West Street northward on the path that runs along the Hudson. I crossed eastward around 14th Street and walked up the stairs at the southern end of the High Line. I walked its current length: from 14th Street to 20th Street. It seemed particularly beautiful today: the sun, the breeze, the flowers and the people seemed to be in harmony. As you can see, it’s a popular place for model shoots.

I know I’ve shown you the ice cream truck before, but this time there was one at either end! Smart. So I think that’s a particularly notable instance of ice cream that I didn’t eat.

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The Indian sweets, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, cheese curls, Indian sweets and nut bread that I’m not eating

August 31, 2010

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Wow. This is so far beyond absurd that it doesn’t even bother me. All of these things are sitting there, free for the taking, within twenty-five feet of my desk at the Manhattan office.

The candy that I’m not eating

August 31, 2010
More free candy at work

More free candy at work

Here’s a shot of the table fifteen feet away from my desk, now strewn with shiny mylar-wrapped candy. I would love to stuff some in my mouth just as fast as I could unwrap it. That’s why I’ve built up the mental construct of sugar as poison over the last few months. Maybe I’ll be a little less uptight after I leave the treat-rich environment of Goldman Sachs next week, and a lot less uptight after I reach my target weight. But even then, how much of an exaggeration will it be to call those objects on the table poison? Hell, it’s much more of an exaggeration to call them food.

208

August 31, 2010
208

208

That’s better. Still five pounds away from 203, the reaching of which prompted the celebration responsible for me gaining so much weight! I’ll get back there soon, though, and in two weeks or so I’ll hit 200 — just you wait!

Day One Hundred Thirty-Three

August 30, 2010
Me returning home on the Metro North after yet another viewing of "Avatar"

The alarm went off early but I went right back to bed. I think my failure to get up owed more to me feeling down than to physical tiredness. I felt bad about overdoing my eat-whatever-I-want day on Saturday, and about not getting as much exercise and work done as I’d intended on Sunday.

In the morning I had some conversations with Keane people about next Friday, my last day at Goldman Sachs. After that, I’ll be “on the bench”, which is Keane slang for being employed but not being at a client. If they don’t find me another position within two weeks, they’ll let me go. This is fine, yet the talking about it left me very preoccupied and unable to focus on work. But I eventually simmered down and got some good work done on the process of training Dennis.

My eating was pretty much by-the-book today: an egg sandwich in the morning, Zone Bar with tea at 10:00, big green salad at 1:00, and another Zone Bar with tea on my way uptown after work. During “Avatar” I ate the small handful of peanuts and raisins that I’d made sure to pack before leaving work. And after I got home I ate an apple.

I’m feeling very pleased with my reactions today. I got very bad news from the scales this morning, and I’m far from pleased with that, but I’m not worried. This was just a setback caused by a celebration that I’d earned. I’m back on the horse, and I know that this time I’m going to finish the journey.

Speaking of the journey… I need to get to bed, because I need to get up early for some exercise. Good night.

Avatar flashback

August 30, 2010

Tonight I went to see “Avatar” at the IMAX theater on Columbus and 68th, just up from Lincoln Center. As I took my seat and toyed with my 3-D glasses, I had a flashback.

On January 8th, during Avatar’s first run, Grace and I went to see it in the IMAX theater in New Rochelle. Before going in, I went to the grocery store next door to get a bag of Smartfood for us to smuggle into the theater. The store happened to have six-packs of Tröegs Hopback Amber on the shelves. Then Hugh got an idea. An awful idea. Hugh got a wonderful, *awful* idea.

I couldn’t resist the Hopback Amber. But how would I chill it? A bag of ice would be a bit much to smuggle in, especially on top of the Smartfood and the six-pack. So I grabbed a few extra plastic grocery bags and scrounged some snow from outside.

It was a great plan, and it worked well… except for one thing. I was already as big as a house by that time. I knew that I had no business having the hilariously-named Smartfood, let alone the three bottles of beer I drank. But I wasn’t in control. Knowing full well that I shouldn’t have it, I went ahead and had it anyway. The part of me that revelled in the experience trampled the part of me that wondered what the hell I was doing a little deeper into the mud.

Tonight I wouldn’t have seriously considered drinking beer. Tonight I smiled as I thought of another six-pack of Tröegs Hopback Amber: the one that I put in my fridge yesterday, and which I won’t be touching until I reach 200 pounds.

I’m reaching out one hand and touching the me of January 8th, while keeping the other on the me of tonight. It feels quietly glorious. I’m banged up and my head still ain’t on exactly straight. But not only am I standing, I know that I’m walking in the right direction. And that’s a damned sight better than I was.

Still more Indian sweets that I’m not eating

August 30, 2010

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When I walked into the New Jersey office this morning I saw the red box, sitting there nearly full on the table fifteen feet from my desk. A little while later someone put the other two boxes on the table five feet over my left shoulder. I walked by each of them several times.

I didn’t eat a blessed one of them. Go me.

210.5

August 30, 2010
210.5

210.5

Crap.

Well, honestly, it’s about what I expected. I allowed myself a two-segment beer celebration: the first with Don on Friday night, and the second on Saturday night, the latter of which was also the culmination of one of my most excessive eat-whatever-I-want days. On Saturday I got less exercise than usual for such days, and on Sunday I got none at all.

Well. Back on the horse.

Day One Hundred Thirty-Two

August 30, 2010

Grace and I arose at around 9:30 and made our way downstairs to find John and Daniel already up — as a matter of fact, Daniel had already made noticeable headway on the kitchen cleanup. I gradually regained full consciousness as I drank a cup of tea, ate some fruit, and chatted with the guys. Daniel refused all offers of help with the outside cleanup, so the rest of us sat in the dappled shade and listened to the radio for a bit.

Before we left, I ate two eggs and two croissants. I put a little butter on the second one, which constituted a moderate diet violation. We said our goodbyes and hit the road.

The ride could have been worse, but it could have been a lot better. Between a woman who thought I was not entitled to take Route 80 East because this meant turning on my direction signal for several seconds and then pulling quite reasonably into the space in front of her, and the traffic jam that spanned the twelve miles ending at the eastern end of the Tappan Zee, I was not happy. And I spent a lot of that time thinking about that leftover slice of pizza.

When we got home, I had a cup of tea and a Zone Bar, but the caffeine didn’t keep me from crashing: apparently I had some more party recovery to do. I got up a few hours later, threw away the slice of pizza (yay!) and had another Zone Bar and another mug of tea. That one took: I woke up fully and started on the housework I’d meant to get done earlier.

Grace and I got quite a bit of cleaning and rearranging done. The place is shaping up! Once we Freecycle a few things and move some others to storage, we’ll finally have a place that we’ll be proud to invite people into.

For supper I had a double egg sandwich. I could have done with just a single, but I did pretty well for a day spent resisting any extension of yesterday’s eat-whatever-I-want day. Speaking of which, I did *not* have any beer. This was a nontrivial accomplishment, considering that I took home two entire untouched six-packs of my favorite beer and transferred them into the fridge.

The pizza that I’m not eating

August 30, 2010

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Small victories. That’s what it’s about: small victories.

My sensibilities lost the battle with one slice of pizza late last night. They nearly lost another today: during the drive back I seriously contemplated finishing off that last slice even though my eat-whatever-I-want day was over.

But I’m getting better at not throwing up my hands and allowing a single loss to turn into a string of losses… delicious, mouthwatering losses. I got a stranglehold on my pathology and I threw that slice in the garbage.

Many small victories, and enough persistence to make them outweigh the slipups: that’s how I’m going to win.