Day One Hundred Eight

I got up at 5:30 for the second day in a row, and enjoyed another bleary walk around the golf course. The temperature was cool, but the humidity was unbelievable. If Grace hadn’t driven me to the train I would have been soaked with sweat.

Work was difficult. I’m trying to conjure up half an ounce of giving a shit while I stick around for a bit to make my exit as dignified as possible. To make matters worse, today I got some messages from a higher-level manager who has the sense to be concerned about my leaving, and offered to find a desk for me at 200 West in Manhattan.

I called the manager and told him that there are other reasons aside from the difficulty of commuting to New Jersey, and that I felt constrained from talking about them because I wanted to do this in a classy way and not indulge in any poison pen behavior. I also told him the half-truth that I’d gotten another job, because I didn’t want him tempting me to extend my September deadline. Well, getting the hell out of Goldman Sachs and laying the groundwork for having a kid is a job!

And here’s the kicker: this manager offered me a position in his group. I stuck to my guns, saying that I was ready to get out. Damn. This made an already difficult day even harder. I’m such a damned procrastinator that it would be very easy to accept the offer and milk the cash cow some more. But I don’t want to lose any more of my soul.

So I went home and was disappointed to find once again that I had very little energy for exercise. I did a few dumbell exercises and pullups, but nothing significant. Damn it. Work is draining me. I have to fight through this malaise! I need to get back to those intense workouts that I was doing a few months ago.

On the positive side, I stuck to my diet during a day when I wanted to do anything but. In addition to my standard sparse meals, I gave myself fiber in the form of broccoli with breakfast and carrots around lunchtime, and fruit at various times. I also cut back on the Whole Foods Mediterranean flat bread, making my evening egg sandwich with a slice of whole wheat toast instead. Oh, and I never touched my emergency biscotti.

So it was a hard day but a good day. Go me!

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