Not going into Zaro’s was a lot harder tonight

Zaro's near track 20 in Grand Central

Zaro's near track 20 in Grand Central

I’ve done Zaro’s a few times, but tonight is different. Tonight I had to do a fair amount of work to convince myself that I didn’t deserve a pastry from Zaro’s. That hasn’t happened in months. The difference is that tonight I’m sick.

I’ve talked to enough people to know that, in general, humans lose their appetites when they’re sick. Not me. Uh uh. Nothing short of nausea puts a dent in my wanting to eat the world. And what makes it worse is that self-pitying voice that comes out of nowhere and starts whispering words like “comfort food” and “deserve”.

Well. I’m not a horrible person. So I don’t deserve to stuff my face at the very time when I’m incapable of burning calories. I don’t deserve to feel good for a few minutes at the cost of feeling bad about myself for a lot longer than that, not to mention the time it’ll take to work it off.

I don’t deserve to do stupid things to my body while I’m sick. I don’t deserve to compound my sickness with further suffering. And my demons don’t deserve to cavort while I’m laid up in bed.

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