Archive for the ‘Sickness’ Category

Not going into Zaro’s was a lot harder tonight

November 16, 2010
Zaro's near track 20 in Grand Central

Zaro's near track 20 in Grand Central

I’ve done Zaro’s a few times, but tonight is different. Tonight I had to do a fair amount of work to convince myself that I didn’t deserve a pastry from Zaro’s. That hasn’t happened in months. The difference is that tonight I’m sick.

I’ve talked to enough people to know that, in general, humans lose their appetites when they’re sick. Not me. Uh uh. Nothing short of nausea puts a dent in my wanting to eat the world. And what makes it worse is that self-pitying voice that comes out of nowhere and starts whispering words like “comfort food” and “deserve”.

Well. I’m not a horrible person. So I don’t deserve to stuff my face at the very time when I’m incapable of burning calories. I don’t deserve to feel good for a few minutes at the cost of feeling bad about myself for a lot longer than that, not to mention the time it’ll take to work it off.

I don’t deserve to do stupid things to my body while I’m sick. I don’t deserve to compound my sickness with further suffering. And my demons don’t deserve to cavort while I’m laid up in bed.

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Hold steady

November 12, 2010
Antibiotic and chest decongestant

Antibiotic and chest decongestant

I’ve been very sick this week. Until Wednesday I was focusing on fighting off the sickness, and between Wednesday and today I was focusing on diagnosing and treating it. This morning I went to the Minute Clinic at CVS, where the Nurse Practitioner diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection and a bilateral ear infection. Since then I’ve started taking amoxicillin, Mucinex and pain-relieving ear drops, in addition to the frequent doses of cold medicine I’ve already been taking.

I’m feeling a bit better but I’m also feeling apprehensive, and a wee bit sorry for myself. I remember well my usual reaction to a ten-day course of antibiotics.

Days 1-5 “Hey, this is barely affecting me at all. I’m awesome!”
Day 6: Ugh. Can’t. Move.
Days 7-10+: Moping about and feeling useless.

I’ve been thinking not only of my past reactions to antibiotics, but of my past reactions to being sick. Too often during the last several years, I’ve found myself feeling sad and frustrated about not being able to exercise, and reacting to this in the worst possible way: by spiraling down into a hole of depression and overeating.

I can’t let that happen again.

Today I got a strong urge to go out for “comfort food” to assuage my misery. I narrowly avoided this pitfall by reminding myself that my eat-whatever-I-want day is tomorrow. After tomorrow, and especially when the antibiotics start playing merry hob with my system, it’s going to be much more difficult. I have to stay focused. I can’t go off the rails again.