Archive for the ‘What I Will Be Wearing’ Category

Future so bright…

May 26, 2010
Me rockin' my new shades that I'll be wearing when I'm skinny

Me rockin' my new shades that I'll be wearing when I'm skinny

About twenty feet from Excellent Dumpling we stopped at a sunglasses vendor. While Morgan was trying on big glamorous sunglasses, I saw a few that I liked but which didn’t fit me. Then, as Morgan was getting her change, I noticed one more pair off to the side. They are, to my mind, exactly what sunglasses should be, which is to say that they are the small kind that just cover the ocular cavity and thus remind me of The Matrix. They are also rather garishly-colored, so bonus there. And they fit me perfectly! Score!

Now here’s the thing: I’m horrendously near-sighted. In order to wear non-prescription sunglasses, I have to be wearing contacts. I haven’t worn contacts in years because I haven’t felt enough pride in my physical appearance to want to eschew glasses so that I could show off my face.

Well, I am headed back toward that feeling of pride. I’m going to put these sunglasses away and take them out a few months from now, on the day when I get new contacts. You wait and see!

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The Hawaiian shirt that I’ll wear in a month or so

May 26, 2010
One of my favorite shirts, which I'm not ready to wear yet

One of my favorite shirts, which I'm not ready to wear yet

As I was getting ready to take the train into the city with Morgan this morning, I pulled this shirt out of the closet to see if it was ready for prime time yet. It’s not. It’s certainly wearable, but it’s almost snug around the chest, not to mention the unsightly way in which the front pulls apart below the lowest button. I should be wearing this in another four to six weeks. Stay tuned.

The T-shirt and shorts that I’ll be wearing

May 25, 2010

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After work I took Morgan to Newport Centre Mall in Jersey City to look for a pair of Vans in Journeys. While she was trying on her sneakers I noticed an awesome T-shirt hanging on the wall. It’s got Iron Man in what is essentially the Extremis armor but with an interesting variant of the helmet that has pointed red racing stripes along the temples. As far as I know, that armor iteration never appeared in any Marvel comic, nor did Iron Man ever slog through some sewer with the Hulk and Spider Man. Also, I don’t recognize it as being the work of any artist I’m familiar with. I think that this was some one-off fantasy piece: Marvel probably commissioned an independent artist to do a piece featuring Iron Man with the Hulk and Spider Man, and have some fun with the armor. In any event, it looked totally sweet, so I decided to buy a large one and make it into a goal: I’ll wear it when it fits me loosely.

We went to Sears so Morgan could shop for jeans, but I’m the one who ended up with a lucky find. I can’t express how much I love these orange and yellow shorts. I had a pair very much like them in college and lost them, and since the ridiculously bright surf-shorts style was long gone by then, I never expected to find anything like them again. And there they were tonight, twenty years later, hanging on a sales rack in Sears! Joy! I bought two pair just in case I lose one. Hell, even if I don’t lose one, I’ll have one for when the first one wears out.

In addition to the magnificently blinding shorts, I bought two flowery pairs: one white and one black. All four are size large. I tried them on, and I can squeeze into them right now, although I’d have to wear a loose-fitting shirt over them to conceal my spare tire. Right now they are folded, along with the T-shirt, in my drawer. I’m looking forward to the day when I’ll walk down the street in those without worrying that people will look at me and say “Hey, look at that chubby geek with the midlife crisis and the abominable fashion sense!” Instead I’ll smile, knowing that they’re saying “Hey, look at that geek with the midlife crisis and the abominable fashion sense!”

Yeah. Something to look forward to.

Six Bananas and a Belt

May 10, 2010
Six bananas, and the 40-inch belt that broke my heart

Six bananas, and the 40-inch belt that broke my heart

OK, that was painful.

I walked up to the fruit vendor on the northeast corner of Wall Street and Broadway for my week’s supply of bananas. I decided to hit Century 21, seeing as how I’d be most of the way there anyway. I’d been needing a new belt for a month or so — ever since my last belt wore out and broke from the strain I was putting on it.

So I got to Century 21 and started trying on belts. It felt like a bucket of ice water in the face. I confirmed that I could just barely squeeze into a 40″ belt, so I bought that one. But once I got it outside, got all the doodads off it, and put it on, it became clear that it’s going to be a few weeks before I’m slim enough to wear it. When I don’t pull this belt tight, there are still two or three inches between the hole and the prong, which means my waist is 42 or 43 inches in circumference.

Damn it. I knew I wasn’t a size 40. I knew that these were loose-fitting slacks, and that even so they were horrendously tight. Part of me knew it. But part of me grasped that round number 40 and held on. I am too good at doublethink.

OK, Hugh. Don’t let it get you down. Feel it. Own it. Remember it. Move on.

What’s next?

I’m going to find one of those cloth measuring tapes that crafters use, measure my waist with that, and keep it handy so that I can always take an accurate measurement. Tomorrow I will go back to Century 21 and buy a belt that actually fits me. And when that belt is too loose for me to wear, I’m going to hang it somewhere prominent, so that I’ll never forget what this felt like.